Hey Rubes. It's an important part of any man's life when he goes from pretending to care about sports to actually caring. For me that moment came last Monday night watching the Baltimore Ravens come close to dispatching my hated New England Patriots. See what I just did there? The fact is for the longest time I couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to hate any team or truly care about the outcome. When the New England Patriots were eviscerating the St. Louis Rams, I got a nosebleed and lay down in my tub for two hours. Ruined my shirt.
Yet that night I was really into it. I've long been tremendously bored with Prettyboy Tom Brady and Waffen SS of a football team. I'm not trying to equate them with such evil, but I just think that rooting for them is like rooting for the Nazis in Indiana Jones. Everybody says they want to be there to see them go 16-0, but nothing strikes me as more inhuman than a perfect season.