Saturday, March 29, 2008

Natural Bridge

There are things in your house that you don't own
Things you own that you don't use
People you know that you never speak to
Friends you have who dont know who you are

There are days you wish you could remember
Nights that feel like they'll never end
Places you could get to before you wanted to
Areas that are secret for no good reason

There are boxes filled with dust
Things before love you keep around you
Tools that fix what's not important
Levers, and pullies, and things that lift

There are times when it's fine to be afraid
Times when it seems right, and it is right
Things you do that feel like obligation
Love that feels wrong, and it is wrong

There are roads you never drive down
Your whole life you'd never need to
Sadness creeps up and fills your chest
Like water and then you're drowning

If you don't leave when it feels right
I dont even know what to tell you
The people who don't talk only stare
You can't look back it isn't fair

Friday, March 28, 2008

The Tom Cruise Drinking Game

Note: the above video is in no way an endorsement of the just released SUPERHERO MOVIE, or the wretched trend of new movie parodies in general. AIRPLANE is the greatest movie of all time probably, and THE NAKED GUN is a close second, but they have been embarassing for quite some time. Biggest problem: no one famous in them. God bless him, but Tracy Morgan is not Robert Stack.

The man's excellent impression is rather a jumping off point for me to discuss one of those most appealing parts of movie watching, and the reason why Tom Cruise is among the premier figures in the history of the planet: The Tom Cruise Drinking Game.

First Rule: drink whenever Tom Cruise is a slick bastard. While some of you may think this means drink whenever he is on screen, that is where you will run into trouble. Tom Cruise is actually an excellent actor, and becoming more so. You'll have more trouble with his later films, though there are plenty of slick moments in WAR OF THE WORLD (I'm sure people have died watching him make sandwiches). But from COLLATERAL to THE LAST SAMURAI, he's breaking freer and freer of his young slick days. (Caveat: One must drink the entire five minutes Cruise screams Sake! in SAMURAI, especially if one is drinking Sake).

From A FEW GOOD MEN to MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, you'll be provided with ample opportunity for this, if you know what to look for. Warning though, never attempt a Cruise marathon. That is like walking on the sun. You will die. Also, never attempt this alone. You will die. So gather the friends around, break out something stiff, and feel the need for speed.

This is not a serious discussion of his abilities, mind you. I would in fact consider Cruise to be in the top ten of actors from his generation, and on track for some serious Pacino late period insanity. If you'd like to see him do some crazy shit, check out BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY or MAGNOLIA, or for some campy fun, INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE.

Casey told me a terrible story that he had to have a stand-in throw a baseball for him in WOTW. But I just can't face it. I believe in a place called hero.

Monday, March 24, 2008


There are some things the media should not be allowed to cover. One of them is morbid milestones. As I woke and turned on the news (which is the routine at my dad's, at my mother's I just smoke a cigarette and take a shower), I was confronted with the latest ugly marker: 4,000 dead in Iraq. Less than a week after the 5th Anniversary of the invasion. Less than 7 years after 9/11. I was waiting for one of these useless twats to mention that it's been 12 years since the OJ Verdict.

Grim! There's a shallowness to cable news that I normally enjoy, but that does not lend itself to serious discussion. There are few things I love more than panel discussions on these endless and often useless primaries. Buchanan, Scarborough, Matthews, Olbermann, Maddow, all those daddies (and Maddow, and the attraction for her which I can no longer deny.) It's like St. Patrick's Day every day, some Irish bar that's turned into a forum, where they rail against the gods but take it all about as seriously as a simulation. One of them has already run for President (Patty Buck) and one is sure he should be (Olby).

But when serious things come along, I really can't take it from them. It's like the early Steven Seagal movies where he would quote Arthur Miller and try to be a serious actor. Or when Chuck Norris would try to cry. Operative word is try, don't worry.

I guess the problem is I can tell they're as apathetic as I am. Or am I just projecting? I've really never been able to get behind my anti-war views. This war has been brutal, aimless, incompetent and cruel. Is there anywhere more appropriate for this America to be right now? I don't even really know anyone who's there. I know one kid actually who's going, and his Facebook statuses are all still about road trips and kegstands. Obviously it's not that big of a deal.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Luv Guv

This guy is awesome. Win/Win for everybody.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Seeing the first picture, I was a bit wary. Who was that guy who looked a little bit like Darryl from The Office? When I found out it was Downey I was concerned. Having seen the trailer (which may be down soon from YouTube, if it is I'll try to replace), I think he's playing with some brilliant but still possibly dangerous fire. This movie has now shot up towards the top of my anticipated list. It's going to be a good August, with TROPIC along with BLINDNESS, THE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS and of course SISTER OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS 2.

Between this and IRON MAN I think it's time to christen this the Year of Downey.

The Talented Mr. Minghella

This will be the second great artist we've lost this year way too soon. It's not quite as ridiculous or as tragic as Heath Ledger, but just as sad and unfair. It's hard to believe that Minghella only directed 5 films in his lifetime. THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY is among my favorites and THE ENGLISH PATIENT and COLD MOUNTAIN are both intimate epics, that if not perfect, have their own strong merits. In trying to search for a clip to best show off his talents, I came across this clip from TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY, which I haven't seen in forever, but which is a wonderful film. I dont know if this completely captures it, but it's a fun scene. Too god damn fucking soon, as usual.

A More Perfect Union?

Does this stem the bleeding? Is it even really fair to taint Obama with another man's words? Does anyone care about this outside the media?

The truth is though, he's running as a post-racial and post-partisan candidate, and it is a problem for him to be tied to such a radical figure as Jeremiah Wright. Not precisely racist, but surely racial. My father thinks it was a good speech, but not enough. I think it was excellent, but I've come to expect that from him.

Pennsylvania is still 5 weeks out. It'd be really nice if this insane loop could stop. I've never been more concerned for his candidacy. Did this do the trick?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

DMX Puts Things in Perspective

From XXL:

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.

What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?Nope.

Is that why you’re not following it?
No, because it’s just—it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. It doesn’t really make a difference. These are the last years.

But it would be pretty big if we had a first Black president. That would be huge.
I mean, I guess…. What, they gon’ give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should’ve done that shit a long time ago, we wouldn’t be in the fuckin’ position we in now. With world war coming up right now. They done fucked this shit up then give it to the Black people, “Here you take it. Take my mess.”

Right, exactly.
It’s all a fuckin’ setup. It’s all a setup. All fuckin’ bullshit. All bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about none of that.

We could have a female president also, Hillary Clinton.
I mean, either way it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. No one person is directly affected by which president, you know, so what does it matter.

Yeah, but the country is.
I guess. The president is a puppet anyway. The president don’t make no damn decisions.

The president…they don’t have that much authority basically?
Nah, never.

But Bush pretty much…You think Bush is making fuckin’ decisions?

He did, yeah, he fucked up the country.
He act like he making decisions. He could barely speak! He could barely fuckin’ speak!
Can’t be serious. He ain’t making no damn decisions.

Well Barack has a good chance of winning so that might be something.
Good for him, good for him.

Friday, March 14, 2008

When I'm 64

Happy Birthday to my father, John Marshall Finch. Many of you know him as Santa Claus. 64 years young. Next year in Caracas.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


Al Franken has now sewn up the Democratic nomination for US Senate in Minnesota. I am a golden god. Best of luck to him. I suggest they hold a debate in Larry Craig's stall. Russert can moderate.

Friday, March 7, 2008


"How is it that Clinton became the one who's perceived as more equipped to answer that 3 a.m. call than the unflappable Obama? He, with the ice in his veins, who doesn't panic when he's losing or get too giddy when he's winning, who's as comfortable in his own skin as she's uncomfortable in hers. There have been times in this campaign when she seemed so unhinged that I worried she'd actually kill herself if she lost. Every day, she reminds me more and more of Adele H., who also had an obsession that drove her insane." -- Larry David, on the Huffington Post

Excellent point. I can imagine Jeff laughing and Suzie yelling at him right now. Cheryl is just giving him a hard stare.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Esquire Magazine, 1933-2008

Needless to say, from here on out I am strictly a GQ man. This is one of the more tasteless pieces I've ever read. Tasteless is an understatement. It's misguided. The Iraq Invasion of celebrity journalism. I feel bad for even linking it but everyone should have a little righteous indignation in their day. I would love to have been in the room for this editorial decision. To add insult to injury it's pretty poorly written. HaHa I just blew some coke and watched Sunset Blvd. I doubt this person has been off Manhattan in 10 years. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE

Prometheus Went Prematurely Gray

His retirement video is a five alarm fire, or so I hear, but I've not watched it yet. This recording however is the saddest and strangest piece I've heard from him so far. A man like Favre shouldn't have to explain himself. As strong a case as Eli Manning made, Brett is truly the Everyman quarterback. Few football players in this era have meant a damn thing to me. Bruce Smith because he was a composed warrior, Reggie White because he was cuddly and insane, John Elway because he was a goof and then suddenly he was upon you from all sides, and Brett because it was a distinct pleasure to watch him play. He's probably the most human player we'll see for awhile. Hercules was human too, or at least his mama was.

Take these guns from him, he can't use them anymore.

In Defense of Lonely Nights

There are those who say Paul Banks is not a poet, but I must disagree. Interpol is indeed a perplexing band, but as the most worthy standard bearer for Ian Curtis of this generation, they naturally attract a certain disaffected fan. Goth dance jams and toruch songs for intellectuals.

Having seen them live, I can attest to their dour professionalism. Carlos Delgado will often just sit indian-style with his bass, and I could not tell you for the life of me what Mr. Banks' speaking voice sounds like. If at first they seem disinterested, or if their love songs seem unromantic, their sex drives unsexual, it's an attitude that still draws you in. For people of conscience, they are among the finest bands of this Balkanized media age. Their songs will probably be on the radio less and less, and I doubt they'll be doing this when they're 40, but while they're coming around, attention must be payed.

On the subject of Mr. Banks, his terseness is the closest we have to an indie rock Hemingway. He's feeling out his emotions and not quite sure how to address them. But sometimes, there is a major breakthrough. The lyrics of the song above are like a manifesto of being lost. It becomes a mantra. You may sing it ironically, but someday, you won't.

It's too early to talk about this decade, and by the time we're ready, it will be too late. But TURN ON THE BRIGHT LIGHTS stands with IS THIS IT, FUNERAL and GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE BAD NEWS as a Colossus for our time, if landlocked perhaps.

We are the children of Nirvana. Rock N' Roll. Deal with it.

Stuart Saves America

We the people, I apologize for my abscence. I've had midterms to deal with, along with a general malaise that for some reason, unlike most, PREVENTS me from writing. Gaybabies. Anyhow, I've been trying to formulate my thoughts on Ohio and Texas, but it's just too god-damn depressing. I'm getting very sick of the over 40 under-educated crowd who quake in fear of dark skinned "mooslims" while their world is quite literally falling apart around them. To those in Ohio who voted their fear instead of their future: go try to find an abandoned building. I assure you, it will be quite easy.

But as liberalism looks forward, I thought I would share for any who aren't aware of it one of the best ideas I've heard in a long time. Al Franken is running for U.S. Senate in Minnesota, and he's got a serious shot. He is dominating in funds raised, and he's just been endorsed by the local SEIU. He's got his head on straight with the right priorities on health care, the war and poverty.

For anyone not familiar Al Franken used to write for SNL. I believe he wrote Massive Head-Wound Harry, and since that dog who ruined/made the sketch by eating brains can't run for Senate, someone should be rewarded. He's also a really bright guy, went to Harvard, and has emerged as one of the premier satirists of the age. He has the right answers for the problems that make Lewis Black scream. His book LIES AND THE LYING LIARS WHO TELL THEM is one fucking essential read.

Most endearingly he has gotten into the craw of conservatives more than almost anyone alive. Sean Hannity despises him and Bill O'Reilly goes into fits of apopletic rage. Even the laid back fascists at Fox News actually tried to sue him for using 'Fair and Balanced' in his book title. When they were laughed out of court and left sputtering on the street like Jon Voight at the end of all the movies where he plays the villian, a Fox spokeswoman said "It's time to return Al Franken to the obscurity to which he is normally accustomed". Anyone who can get that kind of honest hatred out of a T-1000 is doing something right. He has been named a "Pinhead" by O'Reilly over 50 times. If that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is.