Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Power of Christ Compells You; or Norris Day and the Time

This is Michael D. "Jesus 'Lamb of God' Christ" Huckabee talking to a crowd in Michigan on the eve of tonight's primary. He believes we need to change the Constitution to meet God's Standard. How about that motherfucker changes his standards to meet the Constitution, an imperfect but glorious document that kicks the Old Testament's ass all over town? Up until this point I thought Huckabee was charming, but now I think he might be dangerous. So goodnight, that's all she wrote. He can't be allowed to come any closer to the White House than he is right now.

We probably should have known something was afoot when his greatest supporter is Chuck Norris, a man who has now fully bought into his own myth and makes joking reference to roundhouse kicking Osama Bin Laden. Hilarious! And yes, afoot and roundhouse kick, I did that on purpose.

He could actually be Sinclair Lewis's Buzz Windrip, fooling all of us with his folksiness. When Lewis said Fascism would be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross, but what he didn't know is that Mike Huckabee would be wearing the flag like a cape and using a Green Lantern ring to turn everything into a crucifix, because he's Christ Man.


Justin said...

Huckabee's still like 4th on my list of candidate's I'd fuck. Actually he's probably second, and Obama only beats him because I've never slept with a black man before.

Justin said...

Though I just read that article. Fucking him would be like fucking Tom Cruise, but without the satisfaction that it'd be really good.