Friday, March 28, 2008

The Tom Cruise Drinking Game

Note: the above video is in no way an endorsement of the just released SUPERHERO MOVIE, or the wretched trend of new movie parodies in general. AIRPLANE is the greatest movie of all time probably, and THE NAKED GUN is a close second, but they have been embarassing for quite some time. Biggest problem: no one famous in them. God bless him, but Tracy Morgan is not Robert Stack.

The man's excellent impression is rather a jumping off point for me to discuss one of those most appealing parts of movie watching, and the reason why Tom Cruise is among the premier figures in the history of the planet: The Tom Cruise Drinking Game.

First Rule: drink whenever Tom Cruise is a slick bastard. While some of you may think this means drink whenever he is on screen, that is where you will run into trouble. Tom Cruise is actually an excellent actor, and becoming more so. You'll have more trouble with his later films, though there are plenty of slick moments in WAR OF THE WORLD (I'm sure people have died watching him make sandwiches). But from COLLATERAL to THE LAST SAMURAI, he's breaking freer and freer of his young slick days. (Caveat: One must drink the entire five minutes Cruise screams Sake! in SAMURAI, especially if one is drinking Sake).

From A FEW GOOD MEN to MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, you'll be provided with ample opportunity for this, if you know what to look for. Warning though, never attempt a Cruise marathon. That is like walking on the sun. You will die. Also, never attempt this alone. You will die. So gather the friends around, break out something stiff, and feel the need for speed.

This is not a serious discussion of his abilities, mind you. I would in fact consider Cruise to be in the top ten of actors from his generation, and on track for some serious Pacino late period insanity. If you'd like to see him do some crazy shit, check out BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY or MAGNOLIA, or for some campy fun, INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE.

Casey told me a terrible story that he had to have a stand-in throw a baseball for him in WOTW. But I just can't face it. I believe in a place called hero.


Jess and Josh said...

I think a good addendum to this game would be to drink whenever he appears wild-eyed on a talk show.

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